31
Jul
08

It’s Not You, It’s Me

Women hate that phrase. To most of them it’s the guy’s get out of jail free card for ending or preventing a relationship without a solid explanation. The slightest mention of the phrase is enough to send women into furious a rage. Then the questions come: Am I not pretty enough, was it something I did, is it my family, is it my friends? They can’t grasp that maybe there is nothing wrong with them at all, the guy simply can’t make the commitment to her like she would like him to. Even worse is the fact that sometimes she just isn’t what he wants or needs, but there is in fact nothing wrong with her. It’s not her, it’s him.

So what do you do when this is the only truth you know, or the only truth you want to give for the sake of her feelings? I mean let’s be honest, the wrong words can crush a woman and damage her beyond belief. Why would any guy want the responsibility of pointing out exactly what it is about her that makes her not right for him? It’s not as if she could just change it, and if she did she wouldn’t be true to herself. You got to love people as they are or not at all, at least in the romantic sense. But a woman that doesn’t exactly match what you’re looking for can still be loved by you, just not in a relationship setting. It seem to make more sense to give her the honest but less hurtful answer of it’s not you it’s me, then to point out the things about her you don’t like. They are not flaws on her part, just personal preferences on his.

Now most women will immediately jump to the assertion that this is all about looks. We’ll why lie, a good portion of it is. How can you have a true, lasting relationship with someone you don’t have passion and desire for? That’s only part of it though. Everyone has specific needs in their lives that they need to have met in order to be happy. What good does it do to lie to yourself about these needs?

It’s about being honest with yourself and her. If you want a glamorous girl on your arm, and you can never seem to get your girl to get dressed up the way you’d like, that’s a fair reason to end it. And the statement would be true, honest, and respectful. It’s not that there is something wrong with her; it’s that you want something that she’s no providing. A woman can call this shallow but they do this to us all the time. Not that they can really be blamed for it. What’s the point of being in a real adult relationship with someone that you don’t think is perfect for you?

This is even harder when you actually do care about the woman deeply but can’t be with her because she’s just not right for you. She’s going to continue to try to break out of that friendship zone which causes tension. She can’t be that total confidant because once you start talking about going out with other people or anything similar the claws come out. This tension remains and grows. The more you care about the girl the harder it gets. Much of that tension could be elevated if a woman would just take the truth “it’s not you, it’s me” at its real value and not dismiss it as an excuse. We don’t need excuses. If we don’t want to be with a woman and we want to be a dick about it we can just cut her out of our lives completely. It’s because we care that we say these things.

So if you’re going to use “it’s not you, it’s me” to try to get a woman to understand, be warned. Even though it’s probably the truest thing you can say to her, she’s not going to accept at face value And if she really insists on knowing why she’s not what you need…maybe you have to let her take her heart into her own hands and pull the trigger. Even then she won’t understand that it’s not that there is something wrong with her, Its just a desire for something she’s not providing.

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