30
Jul
08

She’s Trouble

So I’m just going to jump right in. What do you do when you have an incredibly beautiful woman who you want to have in your life but is simply a walking calamity as far as the damage she does to your life. Now I know most people will pipe in with the automatic “you just have to get rid of her”, but lets be honest, how easy is that. I’m not just talking about a cute gal you like to hang out with; I’m talking about a woman you’ve genuinely fallen in love for.

I guess some background is in order. I met this beautiful woman as I was walking outside my lawyer’s building. She was with two of her friends, also breathtakingly beautiful. Feeling confident and being in a good mood, I complimented her on her beauty as I passed her. She stopped and we talked for a min. That was that. We exchanged numbers and my phone bill exploded that next month. With the amount of time we talked, upping my service plan was a necessity not an option.

This girl was bad! She was sexy as hell, she ran her own modeling agency, and had this sweetness about her that just made you want to throw your arms around her. As we talked though, the other side of the coin became visible. I found out that she had a serious eating disorder that had become life threatening; alcoholic doesn’t even being to explain the depth of her addiction, she had begun experimenting with drugs, she was getting into legal trouble with DUI after DUI, and she was basically driving her company into the ground by making one bad decision after another.

Clearly this was my cue to back off, but she told me that she wanted to change…and that she need me to help her do it. Despite all of the crazy shit she was doing, I really could see this amazing woman inside of her that could come out if she could overcome her demons. So I stayed, and offered her the help that she desired. I honest to god went above and beyond the call of duty of which any man should ever be asked to sacrifice.

Long story short, she found every way possible to hurt me. Even so, I stayed the course and did everything in my power to try and save her. So much so that in the end, I’m the one that almost required saving. I gave her ever chance to keep me in her life and to take her life back from the darkness. Instead she chose a life of an out of control rich girl.

So I made my peace with that and tried to move on as best I could. Clearly it wasn’t easy but I was doing my damn thing. Months go by with no word from her. Then suddenly she starts calling me again, telling me that she needs me in her life. The worst part about it is that’s exactly what I wanted to hear. I know I can’t trust her, but I also can’t stop loving her. I know there is a point where you have to draw the line and put an end to it all, but where? Even though I won’t allow her back into my life, I can’t shake the memories or my love for her.

It’s crazy how much damage a woman can do once you let her in past your armor. It’s a distraction and keeps me from being absolutely focused like I’d like to be. I’m just not sure what the best course of action is. It’s hard because I know I truly loved her…there is no other way that I could have put up with all of her faults. Even so, at what point is the juice no longer worth the squeeze?

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3 Responses to “She’s Trouble”


  1. July 30, 2008 at 4:52 pm

    lol, sounds like a mirror of my life.

    It’s obvious you loved her, but what juice were YOU actually getting from this squeeze?

  2. 2 Joseph G.
    July 30, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    It’s a good question. How do you quantify the feelings of being needed, and being loved? From a standpoint of tangible things…nothing. From an emotional standpoint she did love me, and her love felt amazing. She just couldn’t pull her head out of her ass long enough to see what she was doing to the one person who actually cared enough to pull her through the darkness. She wanted her cake and wanted to eat it too. Not that it’s a bad thing, unless your cake involves living a lifestyle that will make sure you’re dead by 35. In the end the juice turned to poison and that’s why I had to let her go. That didn’t make the memories of the better days any less sweet.


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